leaving on a jet plane

There's a line of one of my new favorite songs, "Junkyard" by Page France, that's constantly running through my head lately.

"...And you were told to glow majestically and love until your hands bleed."

Wow. To me that's just the great commission right there in modern poetry. Beautifully true. It's a righteous idea, wanting to go and help people halfway around the world, but the closer it comes the more ominous it looks. I mean, if my back hurt after just trying on my 40 pound hiking backpack, how am I going to carry it up the second tallest mountain in Africa? How am I going to react to the kids who live with almost nothing? I guess the biggest thing I'm scared of is just doing a bad job. I'm afraid I won't be up for it physically or mentally, that I won't be able to keep up with the crazy pace and rustic conditions, that I'll realize this isn't what I'm meant to do. This is a huge experiment determining the direction of my entire future. When I think of that, I get terrified. But I know that everything is in God's hands. I'm going because He wanted me to. I just pray that I really can set myself aside this summer and pour my whole body, mind, and soul into helping these kids; they're the real reason I'm going. I'm trying really hard to remember that it's not about me.

Final preparations have been stressful-my video camera broke two days ago and I had to hurriedly find a solution for that. I was about ready to tear my hair out. Not a good sign for my prospects in Kenya if I get so crazed by something like that. Take it all in stride, that's what I need to do. Anyway, I'm mostly packed, and I fly back to Long Island tomorrow for a few days of training. I'm very excited to meet the group. I'm nervous about liking them although logically I know they all have to be awesome people to be doing Crossroads in the first place. It will great to be among my own kind, aka more world-saving hippies. I can't wait! So I will be leaving the country on Tuesday night-7 hour flight to London, then a 9-hour flight to Nairobi. Spending the night in Nairobi then catching a bus to Nkubu then next day. I'll post an address when I get it, I would LOVE postcards/letters. Also, if YOU would like a postcard from Kenya, kindly email me your address and I will try to oblige.

So this may be it until I get there, we'll see if I have time to update during training. I like blogging and I tend to ramble on, hopefully it will get more exciting but I apologize anyway. For now, please pray for my back because it really does have problems and it's going to be a long two months if it's hurting all the time. I'm a wimp, I know. I'll leave you with this from Switchfoot:

"The tension is here between who you are and who you could be, between how it is and how it should be. I dare you to move like today never happened before."